Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Randomize
