I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
