it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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