that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
