It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
