end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
