I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
