Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
