come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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