god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
