im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
