last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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