She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
