I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
