I wish I could punch you in the face.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
