Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
