I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
