Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
