I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Boobs are out for the taking
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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