If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
