is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
