We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
