I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My liver just broke up with me...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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