I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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