I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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