I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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