my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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