Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
