pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
