You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
