You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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