Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
