How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
