Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
