i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
