I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize