I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
