I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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