Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
