You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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