he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize