Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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