she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
