I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
it's like heaven, but drunker
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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