so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
