I have demons in me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
