i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
