She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
