Three words: puerto rican gang bang
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
