Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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