yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
