and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
