I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
