highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
