This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
