I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Randomize
