keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
