There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
