I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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