So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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