Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
