i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
