So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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