My balls are so social today.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
