haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
