Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
