She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
