I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
