i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
