When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
