I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So squirting runs in the family.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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